It’s been 9 days since my first chemo treatment and we’re still trying to get all of the side effects under control. This is not at all how I was expecting this to go. I expected to have chemo, have up to 3 days where I was feeling bad, then have a normal life of working and enjoying our usually full social life. Instead, its just been one different side effect after another, depending on the hour. People want to see me, so I make plans. I make them because yes, I want to see people, know how their lives are, just to have it hang in limbo if I will actually be able to show up or not. I dont know how I am suppose to live life like this. Mom says this is the first round, we’ll figure it out and it wont be bad during all four months of chemo. I try to be thankful, while I have a big cons list running, I have a large pro list. I think when I was told one thing (3 days of not feeling great) and reality being very different, its hard to not feel defeated. I have so much to be grateful for: daily getting cards/packages in the mail from friends and family, I havent thrown up once as a side effect, people bringing us meals three times a week, I dont have the cancer gene, Oliver has been a very sweet kitty with lots of extra snuggles, my work is beyond understanding, friends and family daily texting me reminding me that I am loved, my doctor is hopeful for a lumpectomy, my mom who does any and everything for me, a great cancer center minutes from my house, amazing church community who as soon as my mom leaves are here to do any and everything for me, an amazing team of doctors who are so kind, my cancer isnt in advance stage, people have given us so much, people are willing to drop their lives to come live and take care of me, I have a pharmacy of drugs to help with side effects, Jason is such a supportive husband and cheerleader to me, an amazing comfortable bed to pass the time in, so many resources to gain more knowledge about my cancer, more than one electronic device to keep in touch with friends, many hats, scarves and a free wig for when I loose my hair, an army of prayer warriors, and the list is endless.

My friend Allison sent me a blog of a 34 year old girl in Brooklyn who has breast cancer. Its beyond comforting to read this girls journey. Her cancer is even in the same breast (her blog is cleverly titled “My Left Breast”). Our stories have a lot of similarities such as the process, even some of the drugs, type of cancer. Its kinda crazy how similar and yet really different because she already had surgery and well we are different people so we process it differently. Still, its as if I found a new friend in this journey and Im thankful.

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