Some of you have asked about my lump/tumor being reduced enough that the doctors were impressed by that, after only one round of chemo. As of right now I have not been told about any plans to change my treatment plan. News to me recently is that after round 3 of chemo (May 15th) I will get another MRI (which will show a lot more than a breast exam) and even meet with our surgeon again. So if nothing else, even if I have to go through six rounds of chemo, its hopeful news. When meeting originally with my oncologist the idea was to shrink the tumor/lump down as much as possible so that as much of the breast could be as preserved well. Things seemed to be going to plan, just sooner than I think any of us thought (the doctor did not say that, but when Emily asked if it was usual to see such a big change after one treatment the PA said no, it was not usual. But my age and family history doesn’t make me a usual case, right?). Part of me wants to stick to all 6 treatments for two reasons: 1st, and its silly, but loosing my hair for only two treatments? Doesn’t feel worth it and 2nd, I want to make sure all of the cancer as gone, and so if thats 6 treatments even if we cant feel much of anything now, then 6 it is. Im sure the MRI will give us a lot more information but as of right now I’ll just keep tracking along.

Speaking of loosing my hair… heres the last few days update photo:
Photo Apr 26, 12 57 30 PM
(yesterday, April 25th and today April 26th)

More and more each time but still, and today was the first time I can notice it thinning. Couple of days ago Jason suggested I pull my hair back into a ponytail (so I dont play with it like I normally do). This has been good idea since I did mess with my hair, a fair amount would come out during the day. Now I dont have to worry about finding a place to put my handful of hair with it pulled back in a pony tail. Secondly, when I go from normally wearing my hair down all the time with long side bangs, its a nice, normal transition of seeing my face without hair as a dominate feature. I think wearing it like this will help hide the thinning as it counties and make shaving my hair, when it comes to that, a lot less shocking. I think, says me who still has hair. Its still amazing to me how much hair has already come out, where is it all coming from? I always thought I had thin hair but I guess I have way more I even though I had. I understand why women do shave their heads when their hair has come out as much as mine has, its quite a mess in the mornings trying to get ready. From the pile of hair in the shower to when I blow dry my hair, hair goes everywhere. So I can see it being easier but Im still willing to stick with the mess for as much hair as I have still.

Photo Apr 26, 12 58 24 PM
(Excuse the red scalp, I had just blow dried my hair and I have sensitive skin, red is not uncommon for me. Notice how thin it is on top. Pony tail helps cover it a little.)

As far as I am feeling today, pretty good. This morning I just felt tired, worn maybe is a better way to describe it. I dont feel sleepy, just worn from doing pretty much nothing so far. In the past few hours dry mouth has started to come back, so more brushing my teeth (however dry mouth makes my mouth sensitive so brushing hurts more than usual) or chewing on biotene gum (seriously this stuff is the best) or hard candy/mints. Aching has yet to really happen yet, so Im still a little fearful that day 4 and 5 might be when the achenes decides to come. Or maybe the claritin and advil preventive will prevail like I keep hearing. But again, so far, I can totally live with these side effects, my hair coming out way more today and thinning has not been my favorite. Between the amount of mess I have to clean up after each shower and getting ready (seriously, everywhere… walls, counter, sink, floor, etc etc) and to me it feels like my days with my hair are short, its getting harder than even yesterday. So, I dont know what to do, I want to keep it as long as possible but emotionally its harder to watch it come out more and more. In the grand scheme of all of this, this shouldnt be the biggest deal, but it is to me right now. And I believe God cares about my feelings about loosing my hair, so pray its something I can still gracefully walk through.

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