First few days of being bald I have still yet to break down and cry over my hair. I think it may not come, sure I will have my days I wished I had hair and will be upset by that. But I really do think I needed the process, allowing myself to grieve slowly my hair falling helped, making these days easier than I had expected. Yesterday I went to help with a sewing day to make some blankets for Church World Service. My friend Liz headed it up, I asked her if she wanted to see my head she said yes, I was that comfortable showing my head off. My friend Sabrina came a while later and I showed her. Both of them told me how I still was beautiful which of course made feel loved and affirmed in my feeling safe to show my baldness to them.

After sewing, I went to the grocery store, which was the true test. I had on a scarf, but you can tell I don’t have any hair even with a scarf. Maybe it’s because I’m used to some people staring at me because of my birthmark, but I didn’t feel like I was looked at longer than any other day. If I suspected a staring eye I would just smile widely at them, showing off my confidence to them. Later that evening I went to a meeting for work and my friends where there, again I offered to show off my bald head to a couple of close friends. I was surprised at myself for how much I was okay with it. I still don’t know if I’d go out without wearing something on my head, but if I was going to Community Group tonight I would feel completely comfortable wearing nothing on my head (might shock my community group but I think they’d get used to it quickly, just like any dramatic hair cut on anyone). This speaks loudly to how safe these people make me feel, testament to how well they love me.

I didn’t go to CG or church today because my white blood cell count is down this week. Not so low that they wouldn’t give me treatment but low enough I needed to protect myself. I was a bit frustrated with this news, but Susan reassumed me that I can’t control my white cell count. That washing my hands a lot, avoiding sick people and kiddos, its helpful cant prevent. Basically, a room full of a lot of people breathing the same air, my compromised immune system has a higher chance of getting sick from germs in the air. And the kiddos in my CG have been sick so that was out too. It’s madding to me that weeks I feel great (like this one) I can’t be around people. But I guess I would rather be safe than be sick in the hospital.

When I’m at home I don’t wear anything on my head, which at first was strange. Passing by a mirror I still did a double take. But today I have been perfectly okay with it, even forgetting about it. I have silky pillow cases which makes sleeping easy and fancy. Silky pillow cases are key to a bald head because you dont want friction when you move around to find the best sleep spot. I still have tiny stubble of hair, so as it falls out I won’t know if its tiny hairs from Jason shaving or my hair in the bathroom. The sunburn feeling I felt before went away very shortly after Jon shaved it off. I wonder if my hair was pulling in a way to make it tender, cause my head doesn’t have any discomfort now.

Thank you all so much for being so very kind me as I shared the news that I had shaved my head. Makes the process so easy when I have seas of people telling me how nicely shaped my head is and how beautifully I rock a bald head. So thank you all for loving me so well in this milestone in this journey.

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You do still look beautiful as I knew that you would! Glad that the anticipation of this big event was worse then the event itself. Love you! Sarah

May 6, 2013 12:06 am

I love you Alisa! You are one strong lady, and I know God is holding you and keeping you strong. If you can, please please come to the wedding in July! You were there throughout our awkward high school relationship haha, it’s only fitting you’re there for this big step too.:)

May 6, 2013 9:28 am

I love that you end with how people have commented on your beautiful, round head. Because I wanted to make that comment, but not seem insensitive! My head is seriously lumpy and, apparently so is Maleah’s – in the same places as mine!

Anyway. You do look pretty awesome with this new bald head. Even though it was shocking to see, I mean… you just pretty much look like you! Just shinier 😉

On a more sentimental note, my 9-year-old cousin has lymphoma and recently had to shave her head, too. I shared your story with her mom and I think it meant a lot to them. 🙂

May 6, 2013 5:40 pm

I’m glad my story could be helpful to your family. Thanks for the kind words, Katie.

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May 6, 2013 5:45 pm

Alisa, I have spent my morning reading your entire blog and praying for you and your family as you walk through this difficult time. Yes, as usual, I’m the last one to hear about the big “c” in your life and I’m so sorry we didn’t find out sooner so that we could help.
Please know that we are sending you love, prayers, and will be emailing Francie to sign up for ANYTHING that you or Jason might need. I too think you look beautiful! Your eyes, your smile, you rock girl!!
Melissa & Henri Fourrier

May 9, 2013 9:20 am

You ARE beautiful-I’ve missed seeing you at church!

May 10, 2013 11:36 pm

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