My friend Jon, who normally cuts our hair all the time told me to call him whenever I needed him and he’d come to the house. We finally landed Friday evening, I had a couple of days to get myself to feel “ready”. I never really did get to the place of feeling ready. These past few days my hair was a terrible, not even my hair anymore, which I think helped make me more ready. And the mess, oh the mess every morning was getting to me. Taking me longer to clean up my hair to actually do it, you know its time. Kari came over for moral support and showed up in a scarf and banana bread beer in head, such a supportive friend.

Photo May 03, 7 28 25 PM

Jon put the hair cape around me. Jason and Kari close by for support. Jon was so kind and sensitive to me, making sure to catch any hair, I never once feel any hair fall on me or even around me. Jason and Kari kept smiling at me whenever I looked at them. Jon suggested some music, Jason put on “The Stable Song”. We all talked about any and everything, help distract me. The razor felt strange, tickling me at times. Jon made a wise and sensitive move of starting from the back and sides, so when he came to the front of my head it was not as traumatic. This is what you normally see in movies, right? Just go straight down the middle with the razor. My head started to feel cooler, but still felt heavy, like hair was still there with weight. He told me he was done, I saw the pile of hair. It was maybe just two more days worth of the piles I had been gather the past few mornings. Not a whole lot left to shave off anyways, that was a confirmation it had been time. I walked over to the mirror in the foyer, Kari came with me. As I looked in the mirror I saw: me. Yes, it was me with no hair, but I think I had thought I would look really really different. It looked so much better than the thinning hair I had been sporting all week. I didnt cry at all during Jon shaving my head. I thought I would when I saw my reflection, but I didnt. I still havent cried over my hair, which to me is really surprising.

Photo May 03, 7 57 03 PM (1)

I think I needed to go through the process of watching my hair fall a lot out for the week that it did. I kept reading a lot of women shave it at the first signs of their hair falling out. That would of been more traumatic for me, I needed the process. I needed my hair to get to a place where it no longer looked like my hair. I cried a lot of this past week, maybe since I emotionally allowed myself time to grieve this lost is why I didnt cry during shaving my hair. It felt like less of a loss to shave off terribly looking hair. It felt so much better to see a clean shaved head in the mirror. I didnt feel this empowerment a lot of women talked about. Jason and my brother both told me I look like I could beat someone up. A handful of friends told me I looked like a bad-ass who is stomping that cancer out. I now have a very physical sign that have cancer. My friend told me that Im now showing the world that I am fighting. I still dont feel that way, this just feels like its apart of the process. For me it just sinks it for real now, yes, I have cancer. Im thankful for the many prayers and warm thoughts through this hard part of this journey. I know the actual shaving my head was the easy part because of all you wonderful people out there who are rooting for me. Means the world to me to have such a loving community. Thank you Jon for doing such an amazing job of being sensitive and kind. And telling me I have a nicely shaped head. Jason and Kari for smiling the whole time at me, making me feel loved during the process.

(this is the song that played as my head was shaved)

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Thank you for sharing this intimate part of your journey (journey’s a lame word – it makes this seem so deep and personal – and while it might be – it really just sucks so I’m sorry for using a lame word but I don’t know what else to say) – you have been and will continue to be in my prayers. In the coming weeks, I’ll be praying for protection of your heart as others will now see your battle when they look at you – and some will ask difficult questions. I will pray for a patient and loving tongue for you to respond to the idiots that will say “well that’s okay, my bird had cancer” (there’ll be one or two, at least), and I will pray for your beautiful lovely, thick locks to grow back in order to meet your goal. Most of all though, I will continue to pray for physical healing and ongoing comfort, strength and peace for you.

May 4, 2013 4:14 pm

Thank you Tamy. Yeah journey is a lame word, I dont know what else to call it ether. It certainly is one.

May 4, 2013 4:23 pm

So beautiful!

May 4, 2013 5:26 pm

you look soooo cute and remain beautiful. precious all the way !

May 4, 2013 6:44 pm

I don’t know you but I am a friend of Kari’s. I just want to tell you that you are a very beautiful young woman!! Very beautiful!! ~gwen

May 4, 2013 9:33 pm

honestly, it’s your smile that makes you immediately recognizable.. so even with no hair, you are still the same alisa to me…

i have been thinking of & praying for you & jason, & will continue to do so…praying the love & peace of christ will guard & rule in your heart each day…


May 5, 2013 8:32 am

You are the most beautiful girl in the world to us – with or without your hair!!

Your grace shines through now, and always, and we love you very much!

May 5, 2013 5:23 pm

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