With my radiation time slot no longer at the faithful time at 8:30am, my time at the cancer center are kinda all over the place. Thursday was 11am for radaiton, then I had my next appointment at 12:30pm. Its a herceptin week, so I went to labs (12:30), meet with my doctor (1pm) and then infusion of herceptin (1:30pm). Radiation was running behind about 20 minutes, and I so I knew I would have a little bit of time but not a lot between radiation and my other appointments, but I figured the latest I’d be out would be 2:30pm. At 4pm is when I actually left the cancer center. My doctor was behind and herceptin for some reason regularly takes a bit to come out of the pharmacy. Not really my favorite way to spend my day, a long one at the cancer center. I got worried that my cream that I put over my port (to make it numb so I dont feel the needle) would no longer be numb once my port was accessed. Thankfully, it holds out for a 2 hour window (which is how long I had it on) and I felt nothing at all. However, my skin did not enjoy having press and seal on it for that long (the cream doesnt rub in all the way, so you need something over it to not mess up your clothes). At the end of the day, my skin around my port stayed red as ever and has started to peal. My skin after chemo drugs does not tolerate as much as it once did. My runny nose and eyes have returned as well, good old herceptin. Other wise I feel really great, I have very minimum side effects and its only every three weeks.

My hair has gotten long enough that I feel like when I put a hat or scarf on that I look more bald than I actually am. I would never pick the length/hair style that I have, so it feels like a bad hair cut to me. I dont like my look with a scarf on nor do I like my current hair. However, having to pick from the two, I rather go with no scarf (so I dont look more bald than I am). My first venture out into the world with no scarf on was my day at the cancer center on Thursday. Nice safe place, with out bald friends. People are very kind and get excited to see patients with as much hair as I do have. Friday I was mostly home, just radiation at 11 and a trip to the post office to mail a package. Yesterday, Jason and I spent the whole day in Raleigh celebrating our wedding anniversary. To me all the people we would see, I wouldnt see again so I didnt really care about their reaction to my hair. However, I think being used to be looked at probably more than other people from having a birthmark all my life, I felt normal. Almost free to be without a scarf which I think probably cause more people to wonder than my short hair. Then today, I went to church with no scarf for the firs time. Such a safe place for me to do that, and it was confirmed with everyone I interacted with being so kind and sweet with saying how much they loved my hair. Coming up and touching its softness. Next will be going to work tomorrow, which I feel safe doing, but the progression of safe places with nothing on my head has been a good one. I didnt really plan it this way, Thursday was almost a test, and it just worked out well as the weekend progressed. I still dont really like how I look when I see photos of myself and in the photos my hair doesnt show up as well as it does in real life. Im sure the more I sport my new look, the more comfortable I will feel about it. A friend reminded me today that the 5k two weeks ago, how much more hair I have now, how it is growing fast even if it doesnt feel like it to me. It helps to be reminded of that.

I started taking Biotin this weekend as well to help mainly with my nail growth. My poor nails, they seem to be having the hardest time recovering. I once stated that were looking like they would be falling off after all, but they really are hanging in there. Just pealing off a layer in a way I have never seen a nail do before. You can certainly see new growth coming, which is a little encouraging, I just miss having real nails. Even with the growth, the tips break off so easy with any growth in them. So basically all the white you see in my nails is very brittle and breaks off very easily. But they have flatten out a bit more than they used to me, all of them used to be raised in a bump, which lead me to believe they were lifting up in order to fall off. I am thankful for them not falling off completely.

Photo Oct 20, 1 55 10 PM
Photo Oct 20, 1 57 33 PM

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