These past three weeks have kinda flown by for me, finding myself back at the cancer center for infusion of herceptin. The nurses have not forgotten me here in the chemo room. The sweet nurse who brings me a drink each time remembers my drink of choice, lemonade. She hated to tell me that they were out of lemonade today, which is sweet. This must be what a regular at Starbucks feels like when the barista remembers their drink. I know she sees hundreds of people here in the treatment room and yet she remembers my drink. My oncologist’s area, the ladies who always take my vitals before I visit my doctor or PA remembers my name, which again is sweet and kinda a amazing with all the people they must see. Speaking of PAs, the new PA is leaving! I’m learning to not get attached to these PAs. She is getting married and moving with her new husband so that’s nice for her and I’ve only seen her twice so Im not as sad as when my first PA left me. At least the worst of this treatment is over, I don’t feel as dependent on my PA as I once did.

My assigned seat today in the chemo room was my same chair I had for last chemo day. It’s in the back of the treatment room and I had the area all to myself for the first bit, nice and quite. Now I have two neighbors, but they are not loud so I don’t mind. No one has their TV on so it’s just the beeping of the IV poles and chatter of the kind nurses back here. My nurse today used to be my oncologist nurse for 7 years. It’s been fun to chat with her, since she knows my doctor well. I also showed my peach fuzz of a head to some past chemo nurses I’ve had. They gave me a squeal when I took off my scarf, nice to have some folks excited for my hair returning, even the tiny bit I have. Other parts of my body that lost hair has started to sprout too. It’s been really nice not having to shave my legs this summer, so I’m not as excited that hair is returning, but it’s super soft. Like it was before I started shaving as a teenager.

I’ve said this before, but its a strange feeling, this period between surgery and radiation. With my body returning to how it felt before chemo, I feel back to normal. It makes me wonder, did they get it right? Did I really have cancer? The idea that I didn’t feel bad before chemo, and the drugs is what made me feel bad, still hard to grasp. But if I felt sick from cancer, that is not a good sign, basically too late. I said all this to the PA today, which she gently said, you saw your pathology report right? I said, sure test wise I know I did, but its the actual feeling that makes it hard to believe some days. The day we got diagnosed, there was a lady who said to me “You’ll have treatment, 6 months, maybe a year and this will all be behind you.” At the time I didn’t know how she could say such a thing, but 6 months later, I wonder how she knew. I mean, I still have a ways to go but I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, where this will be in the past.

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Your gift of sharing your journey is just that a gift…it will touch many for a long time…love you sweet girl

September 9, 2013 2:49 pm

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