Wednesday means treatment day! Andrea came with me (thanks Andrea!) to my infusion of herceptin this week. Today we got the best chair in the chemo room by far. Not only did Andrea have two benches to choose from to sit, but it was pretty big compared to some other chair spaces. It was in the back of the chemo room, which was a bit more open than other parts of the chemo room Ive been in, but it came with a beautiful window view of a court yard:
Photo Jul 03, 10 26 06 AM
My cancer center keeps surprising me with little gems like this. We also discovered that were is a little balcony one can go out on when in the treatment room. That will be pretty in the fall with all the trees, and maybe I’ll have much more energy to venture out there by then. Its hard to resist staying in the comfy warming chairs they provide for us cancer patients. I wish I could request chairs, Id loved my spot today. And I had a sweet nurse, Dena. And my pharmacy friend was working today because even though my herpcetin took a while to come out, it came with a smiley sticker. Something that happened today that, now that I think about it surprised it hasnt happened before now. I was wheeling my IV back from the bathroom and saw a women in my section, at the end of throw-up during her treatment. Made me so sad that she felt that way during treatment, when I just noted how lucky I am that has never been me. Spent the rest of my treatment worried she would throw up again, because Im one of those if I hear or see it, Im probably going there types. Andrea believes the lovely nurses gave her some meds to help her, I hope so, poor dear.

Last week my wonderful PA told me she is leaving at the end of the month. Thankfully, she will see me threw the worst of me treatment (last chemo is two weeks away!) which selfishly Im really glad for. I would of hated to have to switch to a new PA middle of my chemo treatment. I was going to miss her even if she saw me through all of my treatment, strange to think Id miss seeing a doctor. But she has been so wonderful through all of this, I see her more than my oncologist and have been so thankful how honest I can be with her and how helpful and kind she is. After all my googling this weekend, I asked in the grand scheme of cancer world, 6 treatments isnt much and I seem to be doing pretty good overall – she basically responded with not wanting me to minimize that I still am being put through the ringer. Which is just the type of person she is, such a cheerleader and care taker for her patients.

Today I also got an appointment to meet with a radiation oncologist, which will happen next Wednesday. Small world, Andrea actual knows her, so thats a comfort to me. Apparently, radiation takes places in the basement of the cancer center, which is funny to me. Like its outcasted or something. Ive never been down there, so I’ll get to see a whole new part of the cancer center soon. Im looking forward to moving forward in the radiation process, just knowing what that will look like, since I have just been reading about what might happen. As always, the more I know the better I feel about things and just take it in strides. Im not looking forward to radiation, but if they make getting radiation as nice as getting chemo as been then it shouldnt be too bad. Be nice to know when the end date for that will be, which, it hasnt even begun and I want to known when it will end.

Thats been my overall mood lately, Im just done with this whole process, ready for it to be over. Which, like I said, I have to go through very little compared to a lot of others, even my dear friends with Watts who have a two year road a head of them. Thankfully, I have friends who remind me its okay to feel whatever I feel during this time, there is no right way to feel. And how I shouldnt compare my experience to anyone else but Im tired of being down about it all. Really just been missing normal life lately. Miss my hair so much. Miss my mouth not feeling gross from dry mouth. Miss feeling as connected to my friends. Miss feeling like my old self. Its taken away from you in a flash when you get diagnosed with cancer, so the process of morning the loose of normal life is swirled in a sea of everything else of the new cancer life you have. So while I am in good spirits the end of chemo is near, it just feels like a check on the to-do list of cancer treatment, not the end. Over the weekend I got the new Andrew Peterson album, and its a classic Andrew Peterson album but thats just kinda what I needed. His words always seem to come at just the right time in my life, and yesterday I spent sometime just sitting with the lyrics in my hand listening through the album (I miss doing this with music). I leave you with these words that have brought me comfort:

“I know you have been afraid
you dont know what to do
you have been lost in the questions.
I dont know what to say
Im sure if I were you
Id proceed with some caution

But I want you to know
that the joy that you feel
leaves a terrible ache in your bones
is the voice of Jesus calling you back home.

I know you got a lot, spinning in your head
all this emptiness fills you.
And maybe you can try, laying in your bed
and ask the silence to still you.

And you might feel a beat of door of your heart
when you do let it open up wide
its the voice of Jesus, calling you his bride.”

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I love how you are enjoying the little discoveries of this cancer center! It’s so you to take in your surroundings and acknowledge what is happening all around you. 🙂 The journey to the “radiation basement” sounds like a potentially interesting one – maybe they have disco balls and blacklights down there? Could be like some sort of weird party room? Okay, probably not. 🙂

July 8, 2013 11:15 am

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