Today has been the best day yet. Jason has been pretty clingy all weekend (understandably) but it got to the point where he wanted to everything for me and I was like, I need to do normal things. I need to stay busy. Which I cant think what it must be like for him, thats what makes me cry too, the process he’ll have to go through. I told him over the weekend, not that I doubted it before, but I know he really loves me cause he would pass out for me. 🙂 He has good friends who keep checking in with him which Im glad for. We’ve both have loss some weight over the weekend, in not wanting to eat much. He went to work today and Ive been doing my normal around the house Monday stuff.

Telling people has been hard. I tell close people and within that circle I have them tell our other friends, which has helped a lot. We will probably make it more public after we get more answers and a plan in place. Working for churches has been really great because they basically tell us to do whatever we need to do and they’ll cover us. Im going to try and go in tomorrow afternoon if Im not too tired from the MRI and work out some things with my team. Wednesday same, but I dont think I’ll go to youth group just yet.

Theres just been a lot of crying. Im not angry. I feel a little bit in denial because I feel no different physically just emotionally. Im usually good unless I have to say the c-word outloud but I can talk about everything else that I know thus far totally fine. My friend has give my tumor a named: “that little bastard”.

Right now I want things to be normal as long as they can be. Im fearful of turning into “my friend with cancer” girl. I do not want pink ribbons or pink anything really. My brother responded by “how will people know Im supporting you?” I said Oh I dont care if YOU want to wear it (I love the image of my brother wearing a shirt that says I heart boobies) I just dont want this to be ME. Really really dont.

I already knew this but I have an amazing family and friends who have been beyond supportive and comforting. Making us feel so loved and cared for.

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