Mom’s travel’s brought her safely, so nice having her fly into the local airport. With having her back, the guest room turn into “her” room to me since she is the longest staying guest in here to date. Oliver even remembered her upon her return (you know, as the nice lady that feeds him and cleans his litter box). Besides video chat, this was the first time seeing me bald. I had more hair when I was born (I was called an Eskimo baby with dark hair and at the time darkish skin) so she had never seen my whole head like it is. She confirmed with others that I have a very nicely shaped head, which is nice. We enjoyed the last “The Office” our first evening with her and headed to bed shortly after. I wasnt too tired, I just didnt want to use the great energy I was having that day by staying up late.

Every night since starting the steroids (so, Tuesday night) I have woken up multiple (about every hour and a half) times a night with hot flashes. My whole body would get warm (Im a warm sleeper as it is) but its my head that really is burning up (even being bald!). Last round I did have hot face like Im having this time, but I felt like this round its more consistent. A wet wash cloth was my bedside table friend these past few nights, that helped a lot. Part of the problem is that our bedroom is the most comfortable and least comfortable place at the same time. Our bed? So comfy. To me, its the most comfortable place house in the house to be. However when its warm out, living in a split level home, all the heat rises. With our bedroom being at “top” level it makes it the warmest place in the house to be as well. So last night I made the room a ice box by making it super cold with AC and fan on full blast. I still woke up but slept a lot better and only remember one bad hot flash. During the day I get slight hot flashes in the face, but they are not as overwhelming as the night ones.

Yesterday morning I got to sleep in for the first time since not sleeping well thanks to the steroid (had to be at the cancer center before 9am for treatment and injection) but I didnt feel like I fully woke up all the day. Mom and I just hung around the house, making small plans to run some errands just to be doing something. As we started off I was doing good, noise was a little sensitive but nothing that made me have to leave a store or anything (which has happened in the past). After a couple of hours I was ready to be home and just sitting. Not that errand running is actually hard, which is whats frustrating. A couple hours of errands before cancer I felt very accomplished, however returning home I felt like it wore me out and that frustrated me. Melissa brought dinner (thank you Melissa!), with a bonus of a bacon maple donut that was so yummy, it help raise my spirits over how I frustrated I was feeling over lack of energy from errands. Im a simple girl, a good donut makes my day. Around 6pm I was in bed for the rest of the night and crashed into my ice box of bedroom for sleep around 9:30pm.

This morning I woke up, and two hours later, I was feeling like I had still just woken up (worse that yesterday with the not fully awake feeling). Friends had invited me at 2 to go strawberry picking with them. I really wanted to do this because I really like seeing my friends and the strawberries are amazing. I kept going back and forth whether I should use my energy for this outing or save it all for the “big” day I have tomorrow with Senior Sunday and Community Group. I took a shower and felt pretty good, excited about going out, so off Mom and I went to meet the girls. Needless to say, the whole outing from leaving the house, picking strawberries and being back in bed was less than an hour. After not even 15 minutes at the field, I started to feel very warm. And the whole motion of bending over and standing up probably didnt help but I started to black out. I have never blacked out before, just gotten spots when I stand up too fast. So when the spots kept moving in and not clearing from my vision, I knew I needed to sit down. So in the middle of the strawberry field I did and just waited to feel “okay” again. Thankfully Mom was close to make sure if I needed water (I didnt feel thirsty, all I wanted to do was eat a strawberry but I knew better because they were not thoroughly washed yet). Slowly I got up, helped finish picking strawberries and then as we were paying I started to feel very warm and faint again. On the drive home I had to lie down and my eyes needed to be closed, with the AC on high. Again, I was so frustrated that such a small thing had completely wiped me out. As soon we were home I went into bed and slept for two hours.

The nap did me good, I feel good enough to be sitting up, having dinner and blogging so thats a good sign. Just beyond frustrating to me that such small simple things have worn me out. While I knew the more treatment I had the more tired I would become, its just very hard to come off a two week high of feeling so great, even almost normal, to feeling like this once again. And I know its okay for me to feel this way, no one is judging me or wondering why Im not doing more. Personally its just the hardest thing this round, to not be able to do things I want to do. I guess I have learned for next post-chemo days that if I feel tired at all, its best to stick close to home rather than sending into a state of not feeling good out. Im looking forward to these worn out days to end and get more normal days back. I should be thankful the good days out weigh the bad ones so far during chemo, but it makes going back that much harder knowing I will just have to do this all again… three more times. Halfway mark is not as virtuousness as I had hope it would feel to me.

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