Yesterday I was very aware of my heart. The steroids are to protect my heart from the chemo drugs. It beats harder, at least it seems so to me on steroid days. Thankfully, Fridays are the last morning I have to take the steroid. Jason thanked me for protecting my heart through this. He said this after another night of hot flashes and him sleeping in an ice box. As the weekend goes on, the less the hot flashes come but the tiredness piles on. Getting up just to get myself a bowl of cereal my head feels very heavy and I have to lean on the counter as I pour the milk. I’ve slept a lot more this round, mostly just an hour at a time. I just woke up from my longest, a 2 hour nap, my third nap of the day. I have to give myself permission to stay in bed and sleep. Though this is still very hard for me, I feel like I need to be doing something productive. Even though I spent the beginning of the week making sure things were done. Getting healthy first looks like being sick from the drugs, even though that makes no sense, I have to accept it. Round 4 and I’m still having to fully accept things like that. I keep telling myself, just two more times of this, just two more.

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